I'd read the instructions last year (click the photo for the original source), mostly to find out what those weird eyes were made of, but didn't follow any directions this time, just stared at the picture a lot instead.
Here is my version of the way to make a kiwi Grinch a.k.a. the method to my madness:
Step 1: Cut the ends off the kiwi. The tough stem gives a bit of a fight so it needed to be cut around and pried out. Save the ends for later.
Step 2: Carefully peel the kiwi as smoothly with a small, sharp paring knife, saving as much of the fruit as possible. Save the peel for later.
Step 3: Carve the Grinchy sneer and his philtrum. (Yes, philtrum is another new word for me. It's that divet-type spot between your nose and top lip.) A sharp little paring knife did the trick quite nicely!
Step 4: Take the cut-off end of the kiwi and carve out a small sphere or ovoid for the Grinch's nose. Push it into the top of or just above the philtrum.
Step 5: So...did you know that kiwis are very slippery little devils to work with? I really got a first-hand understanding of why those Jell-O boxes have reminded us for years NOT to include fresh pineapple or kiwi if mixing fruit into a gelatin dessert. The eyes were made from rolled Laffy Taffy with pupils drawn with edible markers. I assumed these would stick compliantly to the kiwi. Not so. They were sliiiiiiiiiiding down said fruit. This made it necessary to carve niches for the eyes to set into. Grrr, Mr. Grinch...
Step 6: Take a strip of kiwi peel and cut two long, thin eyebrows. Apply these to kiwi, above the eyes. Fortunately for Mr. Grinch, these did not require extra help staying put; I was ready to get out a mallet by the end of Step 5, let me tell you...
Step 7: Pick some mini marshmallows with which to make the puffy edge of the hat. Did you know that mini marshies come in lots of different sizes?! I had to pour them out and search out the skinniest, flattest of the lot. Unlike the eyebrows, the marshmallows did not stick on. Nor did they line up as nicely as the photo I was trying every-so-patiently to follow. More growling...
Step 8: Wash a conical strawberry, trim of the stem end and the trip to make a nice Santa hat. The berry joined the alliance of the eyes and the marshmallows and refused to stick to the kiwi. I stomped around the island to get some rounded toothpicks. With a not-so-gentle stab, on went the strawberry. I'm a mean one, Mr. Grinch! The marshmallow pom-pom did not give me much trouble about sticking to the end of the red fruit after witnessing the recent act of revenge.
I had purchased seven kiwis, one for each pre-teen attending our celebration. However, by the time I'd made three of the darned Grinches, I felt too grinchy to make another four.
Meet the triplets:
I'm not proud to admit my annoyance with the Grinches. It had become personal. When the youngest guest asked if he could eat one, I was more than happy to oblige.
And then Jacob himself, he carved the host's beast!
My thanks go to to Jacob for bringing humour to the situation, to my friends for the compliments on the photo I sent to my Facebook page, and to you for coming to the formerly agitated island. I can laugh about it now. :-)